AM I ENABLING MY LOVED ONE?

Updated: Aug 25

DENIAL

Do you think you can fix them?

Do you consider this a spiritual disease or just a state of mind, problem or bad habit?

Do you feel you can somehow "control" their drinking?

Do you hear yourself saying “he’s just depressed, he doesn't have a drinking problem. That is why he is drinking?"

Do you ignore that your loved one is in danger because of their addiction issue?


EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER

Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around your loved one?

Are you afraid to show your true feelings around them?


PROTECTION

Do you find yourself lying to protect the truth from them because you fear he/she may relapse? Or do you omit the truth to protect them?


NEEDY

Do you find yourself putting the addicts needs before your own?

Do you feel desperate about fixing him or her?

Do you say to yourself, it’s better than nothing...


LIVING IN FEAR

Are you really afraid that your loved one is going to die?

Are you afraid he/she is choosing you over the addiction?

Do you find yourself making unwise decisions out of fear?


FINANCE

Do you find yourself borrowing money (second mortgage, loans from family or friends, etc.) to pay for another rehab?

Are you financially supporting the addict even when they are active in their addiction?

Are you going into to debt just to keep him/her happy?


GUILT AND SHAME

Are you constantly complaining about their behaviors? And scolding them?

Do you feel it is somehow your fault?

Do you blame everyone else but them for their behaviors? Do you think you

somehow caused the addiction?


RESENTMENT

Are you angry or crying all of the time?

Are you bringing up the past constantly?


APPOINTMENTS WITH HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONALS

Do you find yourself on the phone finding rehabs, therapists, doctors, etc.?

Are you making appointments for them? Attending the appointments...

Do you find yourself overcompensating by seeking several opinions, never really following one set treatment plan?


DO YOU FEEL RESPONSIBLE FOR FIXING THEM OR FIGURING IT ALL OUT?

These are very hard questions to ask. The less we enable our loved ones, hopefully, the quicker they will find recovery. Yet, there are times we have to get involved to prevent something from happening to them. This is why this process can happen miraculously quickly through deliverance, but sometimes can also be a process due to doors opened on the part of the person drinking or using.


AM I ENABLING OR AM I HELPING?


© Debbie Powers, LMFT. All Rights Reserved. Do Not Reproduce Without Permission.





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